Episode 25: Coffee, Donuts, and Dag

Ever worked at a company that "valued feedback" and touted an "open door policy" only to discover it was all bunk? Too many managers allow their own ego to rule the show and offices are set up like Survivor dog-eat-dog competitions.

But there is a better way and Dag Hammarskjöld implemented it at the United Nations.

If you're tired of bosses who don't listen and act like tyrants, tune in!

You can find my award-winning biography of Dag Hammarskjöld on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Decoding-Unicorn-New-Look-Hammarskj%C3%B6ld-ebook/dp/B0DSCS5PZT. 

#DagHammarskjöld #badbosses #workplacehorror #activelistening #decodingtheunicorn #corporateamerica #workersdeservebetter 

Transcript

Transcription by Otter.ai.  Please forgive any typos!

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

Feedback, constructive criticism, workplace culture, open door policy, employee engagement, coffee hours, informal communication, leadership style, UN diplomat, management challenges, corporate environment, employee suggestions, voluntary participation, passive aggression, psychological safety.

Welcome to the Decoding the Unicorn podcast. Here's your host, Sara Causey.

Hello, Hello and thanks for tuning in. Welcome to Episode 25 of decoding the unicorn the podcast, I appreciate you joining me in this episode. I want to talk about a passage from decoding the unicorn titled coffee, donuts and DAG. Have you ever worked at a company where it seemed like feedback wasn't exactly welcomed? Maybe your manager told you that they had an open door policy, and perhaps they usually did work with the door propped open. But if you went in to report a bottleneck, to identify a problem or a glitch in the system, to offer any kind of constructive criticism whatsoever, you could tell that, in actuality, it was met with resentment. It's like the idea of providing feedback is trotted out for the public or perhaps during the interview process, but when you're really in place in the company, there's much more an attitude of sit down, shut up, and don't make any waves. If you've ever been in that situation as an employee, or if you're a people manager and you know that you need to do better about accepting feedback and constructive criticism from your team. Stay tuned.

In the shadow of the Cold War, one man stood alone. Dag Hammarskjöld was the world's most unusual diplomat, introspective but unflinching, poetic yet pragmatic. As Secretary General of the United Nations during one of the most volatile eras in modern history, he navigated emergencies like the Suez Canal and the Congo crisis with moral clarity and an iron spine. He made powerful enemies who preferred their wars profitable and their peacekeepers obedient, but that wasn't Dag. Ready to go deeper? Pick up your copy of decoding the unicorn, a new look at Dag Hammarskjöld today.

I spent about 15 years doing HR staffing and recruiting work, and it definitely gave me a front row seat to the way decisions are made to see and hear real conversations in real boardrooms about hiring, firing people, management, performance improvement plans and so forth. I've said this before, and I will repeat it. There are a lot of companies that do not want a maverick, whatever they may say for public consumption, whatever they may say when they roll out the red carpet for interviewees. Very often they want compliance control conformity and obedience, and sometimes that extends out so far and so deep that the workplace becomes like a cult. You don't ask questions, you don't make suggestions, even if there's a suggestion box, or even if there's this sense of my door is open anytime. If you see a bottleneck, if you see something that could be done better or faster, please say something about it, and then if you do, you get the sour attitude. Oh, thanks. Thanks for letting me know I'm busy. It's not a good time. It's met with resentment. I want to read a passage now from decoding the unicorn whenever I was thinking of the heading, coffee, donuts, and dag hit me immediately, and I was like, I just think that's so cute. I guess it's always good. When you look back on things that you've written and you feel happy about it, as opposed to going, oh god, why? So under that heading, here we go. DAGs cleanup initiatives in the UN were taking hold. There were still problems to be solved, of course, but the atmosphere felt more collaborative and cohesive than before. DAGs thoughtful and steady leadership gave birth to a new program, informal coffee hours where staff could speak freely and be heard. The idea was simple yet transformative. One morning each week, Dag hosted an open door session in one of the smaller meeting rooms, where staff members could come in, grab coffee and pastries and speak their minds freely and without fear. It wasn't a formal gathering. It was a space for employees to voice their thoughts, whether they had complaints, suggestions or compliments. Dag made it clear from the start that this was their time to speak and his time to listen. There was only one ground rule, honest communication was expected and would never be met with any form of reprisal. That Friday, the room was filling up the scent of fresh coffee, mingling with a hum of initial conversation, Dag took a seat near the edge with a notepad in front of him and a cup of coffee by his side. He. Lit his trusty thinking pipe and greeted each person with a nod or a brief smile as they entered. But once the session started, he settled into a silent attentive posture. This was not about him. It was their moment. Dag became so unobtrusive during these meetings that at times, employees nearly forgot their boss was there. His discrete demeanor allowing the conversations to flow freely while he absorbed every detail. A few minutes in one of the typists, Susan fiddled with her necklace, her fingers twisting the chain while she scanned the room before she finally spoke. I just wanted to say the new system to keep things in house is a huge relief. Some of those FBI agents were rather brutal with how they handled people, and it made everyone so nervous. Dag nodded slightly, jotting down a note, but offering no response. His face remained open, inviting the room to continue. James, a legal advisor, went next. I'll be honest, at first I didn't know how to feel about all these changes. It's been tough since Lee left. I mean, I got along just fine with him. Never had any problems with the man. But I have to admit, these coffee hours, they're different. It's not every day you get to sit down and say what's on your mind without worrying about the consequences. At the risk of sounding, I don't know, corny. It's nice to feel like everyone is being heard. Dag smiled in acknowledgement, making it clear that he was absorbing every word without the need to interject or steer the conversation. A chuckle rippled through the room when Thomas from communications spoke up. Since we're being honest, can we talk about the beef stew in the main cafeteria yesterday? Yeesh, I'm pretty sure it could patch that massive pothole down on 42nd street, laughter broke out and DAG, though silent, grand readily. He didn't need to say anything. The giggles were already doing their job, lightening the mood and bringing the group closer together. Renee, a translator, went next. I've got something a bit more practical? Could we look into getting more comfortable chairs for the interpretation rooms? Sitting for hours on end can really take a toll. My seat doesn't have any padding at all, and it gets hard to concentrate when your legs are numb. DAGs head dipped slightly as he wrote this down, a serious expression on his face. Pipe smoke rising, and so it went for the next hour, the room filled with a mixture of thoughtful reflections, minor criticisms and ideas for improvement. Some were serious, others more lighthearted, but every voice had its moment. Dag remained quiet throughout, never interrupting as this session ended, the room began to empty, employees chatting with one another as they left, and dag noticed the good mood everyone held. He had plenty of feedback. Some things that could be addressed quickly, others that would take time. He too was in a great disposition, because people were opening up. They felt safe enough to share their thoughts, and the walls of mistrust were crumbling piece by piece. Imagine that. Imagine a workplace with such a thing. How much better the situation would be where you knew that you could speak freely, you could make suggestions if you wanted to. There's no pressure to attend. It's voluntary. You come if you want to say what you want to, and then dip out at any time if you wanted to just come in and have coffee and listen. You could do that as an introvert. I think that part of it is so crucial. It's not mandatory. You're not being called on to speak in front of a small group of people and spill your guts in front of an audience. Come if you want to say what you want to say, and you're not going to be criticized. This is not the boss's time to show boat and grandstand. I thought just the other day of an experience I had when I was resigning from a job. My direct manager and her supervisor sat in a meeting room and talked at me. They didn't want to talk to me or talk with me. It was very clear that they didn't really care why I was resigning. They wanted to just talk in circles and bloviate. It was very much about the two of them, and I knew right then and there, nothing will ever change at this place. Maybe once the two of them are out of the positions they're in, maybe, but it's so disheartening. At the same time, it's proof positive that you're doing the right thing, because if you're trying to tender your resignation, and two other people are just talking in circles, my God, I don't even know how they were stopping for air, how they were able to get oxygen to continue talking at me, because it was like, Oh my God. I just wow, wow. We Wow. This is a lot. It's a lot to digest. But as I said, it confirmed to me that I was making the right decision to leave because they had no desire to hear what I had to. Say, anyway, unfortunately, far too many managers in the corporate world are like that. And don't even get me started on politicians that bloviate and make ridiculous promises that are full of hot air. But people managers at work could do so much better, and I think a lot of it boils down to ego. So many offices are structured like some corporate version of the television show survivor. It's dog eat dog. Devil, take the hindmost. In order for me to look good, I think I have to make you look bad. And that's such a terrible way to manage a workplace. It's like the idea that a rising tide lifts all boats, that everybody does better when everybody does better. But we definitely don't have that kind of milieu. It's much more competitive and cutthroat than that, and even if it's not overtly. So you may have to deal with microaggressions and little passive aggressive insults, as opposed to somebody outright saying, like Gordon Gekko in Wall Street, it's a zero sum game I have to win, which means you have to lose, even though it's an awful cynical way of looking at the world. That's how a lot of people in corporate America do look at it, and unfortunately, there's a higher ratio sort of psychopathic Gordon Gekko types that make it into high level management roles. It shouldn't be this way, and yet it is. And one of the things that I wanted to do in decoding the unicorn was to talk about DAGs leadership and management style to say we could have it so much better. There is a better way, and it's not just pie in the sky utopia. It's been implemented and proven to be effective. So whether you have worked in an environment like that, that was dog eat dog back stabby survivor like or maybe you yourself are a people manager, and you're bristling a little bit at this episode, and you know that you could do better at listening without judgment, listening without taking it personally. I challenge you to do that. Have one of these coffee hours without reprisal, and open your ears. Your ears should be functioning much, much more than your mouth. Listen to your people. Take good care of yourself, and I will see you in the next episode.

Thank you for tuning in. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to this podcast and share it with others. We'll see you next time.