Episode 20: Appreciation & Belonging (At Work and In Life!)

What happens when people feel seen and understood?

In this episode of Decoding the Unicorn: The Podcast, I'll discuss something deceptively simple: belonging. Whether you’re managing a corporate team, collaborating on a creative project, or just trying to make it through day-to-day life, the need to feel valued is universal.

#DagHammarskjöld #DecodingTheUnicorn #Belonging #Appreciation #CorporateCulture #QuietLeadership #EmpathyAtWork #EmotionalIntelligence #HumanFirst #Leadership #TheArtistsWay 

Transcript

Transcription by Otter.ai.  Please forgive any typos!

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

Appreciation, belonging, corporate world, creative living, Julia Cameron, The Artist's Way, artistic friends, moral integrity, employee relations, workplace diversity, purpose in work, diplomacy, Dag Hammarskjöld, Decoding the Unicorn, podcast episode.

Welcome to the Decoding the Unicorn podcast. Here's your host, Sara Causey.

Hello, hello, and thanks for tuning in. Welcome to Episode 20 of decoding the unicorn the podcast, I have another new microphone. Knock on wood. I think it might be working better. I appreciate you tuning in. And in today's episode, I will be talking about appreciation and belonging, whether you're part of the corporate world or not. Stay tuned.

What if the unicorn wasn't a myth? What if he walked among us and wore a bow tie, a diplomat, a seeker, a man of frost and fire, misunderstood by the world until now, decoding the unicorn isn't just a biography, it's a revelation. Discover the real Dag Hammarskjöld in Sara Causey's groundbreaking book, Decoding the Unicorn, available on amazon.com.

This has been on my mind because I recently finished Julia Cameron's book, The Artist's Way. It has stood the test of time and in creative circles, it's considered to be almost a bible of sorts, because it works if you work it. When I think about where I was creatively when I started the book in April, and I think about how many things have just accelerated since then, it's incredible. It wasn't that I felt blocked. I really went into the process of working that book out of curiosity, out of a sense of openness, but I didn't feel blocked. Wow, even at that, it felt like the courage and the ability to knock down boundaries that I experienced from doing the exercises in that book. It was like throwing rocket fuel on everything. I'm an illustrator now and a playwright. I'm like, my god, it's just incredible. The things that have happened since starting her book, the synchronicities, the way that life has just guided me in particular directions. Even this podcast, we're on the 20th episode. So this sense of appreciation and belonging has been on my mind because one of the things that Julia talks about is getting a circle of artistic friends, whether you want to have like a creative circle to workshop ideas around, or whether you just want to be around other artists on a platonic friend level, it's good for the soul. And I agree. I had been gravitating in that direction anyway, naturally, because I just thought, you know, artists get it. I remember watching an episode of Wheel of Fortune where one of the contestants was talking about brunch. And I guess there are some people that are almost into brunch in a cult like way Seacrest said something like, whenever I was living in New York, I had friends that wanted to go for brunch at three or 4pm and I'm like, That's not brunch. I'm not sure what meal it is, but it's not brunch. Brunch is supposed to be 11am and I was listening to this and laughing, and I thought, well, they're probably all artists. That's probably the reason why, you know, there's a lot of artistic people per capita in the sort of, she, she areas of New York, and I like, they're probably all artists. They probably were up half the night creating, and then they slept. And so brunch to them is three or 4pm I've been there and done that myself several times. You just begin to live in a way that's so different. The pace of it is different. The nature of the problems that you have to solve is different, and people that are still trapped in corporate America don't always get that. And it's not a matter of who's right or who's wrong. It's just a matter of a different lifestyle, a different way of being and appreciation and belonging can absolutely help you to feel more comfortable in the environment. Help you to feel more comfortable in your own skin, and it's just like what I'm saying about using Julia Cameron's exercises, I didn't feel blocked going in. It wasn't that I was doing the book because I thought, yeah, I know that there's ideas trapped inside me somewhere, but they're not getting out. I've lost my oomph. I wasn't feeling that way at all, and yet it still felt like somebody pouring gasoline on everything. And I'm like, oh my god, the things that I've accomplished in the 12 weeks that I worked this book are incredible. And that comes with appreciation and belonging. It doesn't come from being in a toxic environment. I want to read a passage now from decoding the unicorn. You. And it's under the heading Dag's second term begins. The luncheon at the Waldorf had been grand, even by New York standards, diplomats, dignitaries and officials gathered to honor dag as he officially began his second term as Secretary General. Speeches were made, toasts were given, and Dag responded with his usual grace, maintaining the reserved poise the public had come to expect, but it wasn't the applause from big wigs or the glittering setting that touched him most. No What moved him came later in a quiet room at the UN headquarters where he stood in front of the people who had been with him through thick and thin, his personal staff, Dag looked around and the formal suit he had worn for the luncheon now felt more like a shell than an expression of his true self. Here among his staff, he could relax a bit. The employees took a seat, waiting to hear what Mr. H had to say. In 1953 I stood here for the first time. I wasn't sure what to expect, and I suppose no one else was either. Yet I knew above all that I could only do what I was capable of doing and what I felt was ethical to do. It might sound cliche, but a man must be able to look himself in the mirror each morning and know that he has done the right thing. The work we do comes with risks. Plenty of things can go wrong, but I knew I never wanted to lose my moral integrity. I also understood that whatever we achieved, we would accomplish it together as a team. My success in this role is a reflection of every one of you and how much you have helped. The Secretary General, should always make his staff feel oh, excuse me, should always make his staff his first responsibility. I want everyone to belong and to feel valued. How can I step into the political arena or try to make diplomatic efforts if the foundation our staff wasn't solid, not just professionally, but in the sense of feeling true satisfaction with what we do? I am proud to be part of this organization. We've started to build a deeper sense of unity, and I'll do everything possible to keep us moving in that direction. Now I have the tab decoding dag appreciation and belonging. The blight of the modern office seems to be a terse thanks followed by a pizza party or a shared fruit basket in the break room. Introverts often find themselves tossed into open floor plans full of chatter and devoid of privacy. Leadership might tout the idea of diversity in the workplace, but in many cases, it's a hollow effort. It is remarkable that dag was talking about belonging in the workplace in the 1950s psychologist, author and entrepreneur Dr Sharon Grossman clarifies that appreciating employees is probably much more important than a lot of people realize. As human beings, we thrive on our connections to others after working on a project or task, it's nice to be recognized for your efforts, but appreciation goes beyond that. We talk a lot about the importance of purpose in our work. Part of what brings us a sense of purpose is the mission of the work or the company we represent. Another part is the actual project based work that we do. And finally, we derive purpose from being seen by another person. That is when someone recognizes you for your efforts, you are reminded of the purpose behind your work in an organization dedicated to diplomacy and the prevention of Another World War, it was crucial to embrace a sense of purpose and foster an environment where no one felt alienated. Beneath the fictional image of dag as an unfriendly robot, is the reality that he held deep emotions and empathy. Additionally, he saw the significance of getting his own house in order before changing anything else. He inherited a dysfunctional dynamic from Trygve Lie and rather than allowing it to fester, Dag wanted to improve employee relations and internal morale. How could the UN influence diplomatic relations elsewhere? If its own staff was miserable, far too many organizations carry an attitude that their customers matter while their employees do not. This type of management is not sustainable. The great resignation of 2021 showed that workers will not tolerate abusive, absurd employer behaviors forever, nor should they. Yes, I'm reading that again now, and I'm like, yep, that's I'm proud of what I've done there and proud of what Dag was doing.

If you're in the corporate world, I'm sure you know what that's like to be in a situation where the boss thinks that saying thanks, here's a $5 gift card to Starbucks or thanks, there's pizza in the break room is adequate. Like you're going to feel appreciated if you get those things. Or I once had a boss who unironically told me, the thanks that you get is your paycheck. Your reward is your paycheck. Your reward is not getting fired. And it's like, damn. Wow, just wow. That's a very archaic and depressing way to treat an employee. But let's say that you're not involved in the corporate world. Maybe you're an entrepreneur, maybe you're freelancing, or maybe you have also stepped full time into creative living. The problems that you have to solve are just different from somebody that's trapped on the corporate hamster wheel. It doesn't mean that you don't still crave appreciation and belonging. It doesn't mean that, even if you're typically a solo act, that you can't benefit from learning from others and having communion with others. That's one of the things that I've been working on, actually. And I'll pull the curtain back if you listen to my other podcasts. You know, I'm pretty transparent about things. That's one of the things that I've been working on with my marketing and my positioning for decoding the unicorn. I'm not interested in the book finding everybody on God's green earth. I'm interested in the book finding the right people, and with my next non fiction project related to DAG, which I've titled simply DAG, I'll be able to release it wider. I'm not quoting from sources where I had to get permission, and publishing houses had to say it was okay. And I've got these restrictions. I'm really sticking to my own words, my own phrases, as well as information that's clearly in the public domain. So it's free to use for anyone, and that will enable me to put the book in a lot more places, to have it as a hardback, a paperback and an e book, to have it on Amazon, to have it on Barnes and Noble to have it more available around the world, so that anybody who wants access to it can get it. But even at that, even if something is more readily available, that doesn't necessarily mean you expect it to be ubiquitous. And here's what I mean by that, it's not for everybody. We live in an era of romantic see and Game of Thrones, and I'm trying to be polite here, but you know, some things of questionable taste, and there's a time and a place for a beach read, absolutely there is, and I'm not sitting here on some intellectual high horse. In fact, I wrote very clearly in decoding the unicorn. I'm not an academic, and this is not an academic book. It's not meant to put everybody to sleep. There's a time and a place for a beach read, for a thriller, for like, the literary equivalent of the movie Speed. I had a creative writing professor in college that his go to book, or, excuse me, his go to movie whenever he just wanted to turn his brain off and have fun with speed. He loved that movie, but His thing was, you don't watch speed every day. If everything you're doing is speed, that's a problem. You need to have some kind of balance. And I really feel like a lot of people have lost that sense of balance. They don't want to have something that intellectually challenges them. They just want the cotton candy. They want the bubble gum. I'm also thinking of something that Trent Reznor said, like late 90s, early aughts, when in American culture, anyway, the boy bands and the bubble gum pop girls were everywhere, and there was this bubble gum pop movement going on in American music. And Trent Reznor was like, it's like eating birthday cake. Having birthday cake on occasion is totally fine. But if you start eating birthday cake every day at every meal, you're going to get sick of it. You'll have cavities, you'll have a stomach ache, and you'll think, I really hate birthday cake now, something that was a treat that tasted really good is now repulsing me, and I think in some ways, that's what's happened to literature. I'm using air quotes here. Literature in America is people expect that everything's going to be smutty and lowest common denominator and flashy and gory and full of violence. And I'm like, that's not my style, though. It's not to say that there's not a time and a place for the bubble gum or the movie Speed there is. The point that I'm making is my book is not meant for somebody that wants that kind of content all day, every day. Decoding the unicorn is more like a cozy cabin. If we imagine people walking through the woods, most people are going to stay on the beaten path, and they're going to start looking for things that have a broader mass appeal, right? But decoding the unicorn is more like the cozy cabin that's it's just a little bit off the beaten path. We have chunky cable knit blankets and beanbag chairs. We have a fire in the hearth. You can have tea, you can have hot cocoa, you can make s'mores. And also, while you're there, you're going to get a really good story. It's something that will feed you mind, body and spirit, and you'll be glad for. Experience and glad that you found it, but it's not for everybody. Not everybody is going to get off the beaten path and come to this cabin for a warm, cozy experience. And that's fine. I'm not interested in it, in entertaining everybody. I'm not gladiator okay? I'm not doing all kinds of gore and guts and then throwing a sword down and saying, Are you not entertained? That's that's not my goal here. And so to bring it back to the theme of appreciation and belonging. That's why it's so good to have a tribe. That's why it's good to have some friends who are on a similar wavelength, to have some some people that you can have as a sounding board. Hey, does this make sense outside my own head. I'm struggling with this. Have you ever struggled with this and people who just understand your lifestyle as well, like Seacrest and the brunch who has brunch at three or 4pm Well, artists do. It's not so uncommon in the artist world. So whether you are in a corporate workplace, you own and operate your own company, and you want to make sure that your employees feel heard and appreciated, and you're cultivating that sense of belonging, or whether you are out on your own, and you just want that tribe of people who get it. Appreciation and belonging are so important and should not be underestimated in the value that they bring to our human experience. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. If you did, please share it with a friend, and I will see you next time.

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